"Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually."
Sometimes the URL of this blog is just so fitting.
I was watching a medical show the other day where this woman was in a pretty bad accident. Her vehicle was t-boned and her door took most of the impact. She seemed to be doing quite well when she first arrived at the hospital - minimal pain and just some bumps and bruises. She was taken in for a CT scan to check for internal bleeding and ended up coding on the table. The doctor explained that after the accident her body created additional adrenaline to help with the pain and shock. Due to the excitement of the ER and the stress of moving and talking, her body had not had a chance to relax prior to receiving the CT scan. During the scan, her body was able to relax, which removed the "block" of the adrenaline on her wounds. Although this woman had been perfectly fine on the outside, and although she could not feel the damage that had been done, her body was dying.
I have never experienced physical internal bleeding and I have definitely never had my body start dying on me, but I have experienced emotional trauma that gets masked with laughter and a smile. I have also experienced the shock that comes with a mental breakdown that feels completely out of the blue, even when I should have expected it. Maybe it took me longer than most, but I have finally learned that facing my fears, weaknesses, and overwhelming emotions, is so much easier than running from them until they finally catch up to me.
I have a playlist titled "when it all gets too much" that I listen to when the world starts to get me down. I have four types of songs on this playlist:
✿ Songs designed to make me cry (to get out the sad emotions)
✿ Songs designed to remind me of God's love for me (so I know that I am never alone)
✿ Songs designed to make me SING (scream) at the top of my lungs (to get out the angry emotions)
✿ Songs designed to make me smile (to remind me that the bad times don't have to consume me)
That playlist has seen a lot of action this week, so has my box of tissues, my candles, my journal, and my knees. I'm not running from this, I am facing it head on. So, what does that mean? What does it look like to face your pain instead of running from it? I feel like this could be different for everyone, but for me, it means:
Prayer. SO MUCH PRAYER. One of the songs I have been obsessed with this week is called "Again" by Jessie Clark Funk, some of the lyrics are: "it's something I simply can't do on my own, so I'm pleading with you for your help...for now I let go and I trust you to lead me and show my heart where to begin." I have had to put my faith and trust in God. Part of that faith is knowing that it might not feel okay right now, but as the first quote of this post says, it's going to be okay. I don't know why I'm facing this trial and I don't know why it has been so hard, but I know that everything has a purpose, and I trust that somehow, in someway, this trial will benefit someone. I trust that God has his hands in my life and I trust that my sorrow has a purpose. I will do as Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught and "put [my] trust in the Lord, do [my] best, then leave the rest to Him."
Honesty. Honesty with myself, with my friends, and with my family. I can only hide what I am feeling for so long before the people around me start to get concerned with my too-often tear-streaked face, my blaring music (that tends to have a theme), and my desire to withdraw. While this honesty may be difficult to face (speaking it often makes it so much more real), it creates a network of support. I have friends who send me daily texts when I'm struggling, drop their plans on a moment's notice to show me love, show up at my house to make sure I'm ready to face the day, or listen to me analyze, vent, or cry, for hours at a time. They can't support me if they don't know I'm struggling. But, I also have to be honest with myself; I can't heal if I don't acknowledge the pain.
Becoming. It's so easy to let heavy emotions weigh us down and prevent us from moving forward. It's so easy to feel discouraged, to just feel the weight of the whole world, but as I recently told a good friend, feeling discouraged doesn't make us want to DO something or BECOME something, it just hurts. I don't want to hurt. So what am I going to DO about it? What am I going to BECOME because of it? Elder David A. Bednar recently authored a book titled "Power to Become" and Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk in the October 2000 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints titled "The Challenge to Become". In his book, Elder Bednar tells us that "the word become denotes growing, developing, changing, transforming, and converting." In his talk, Elder Oaks taught "now is the time for each of us to work toward our personal conversion, toward becoming what our Heavenly Father desires us to become." I am going to use this experience to propel me towards becoming all my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
Facing our trials won't remove the pain immediately, and in some situations, it won't remove the pain ever, but it does reduce the pain, and when facing our trial involves turning to the Lord, it provides peace, comfort, and hope.
Prayer. SO MUCH PRAYER. One of the songs I have been obsessed with this week is called "Again" by Jessie Clark Funk, some of the lyrics are: "it's something I simply can't do on my own, so I'm pleading with you for your help...for now I let go and I trust you to lead me and show my heart where to begin." I have had to put my faith and trust in God. Part of that faith is knowing that it might not feel okay right now, but as the first quote of this post says, it's going to be okay. I don't know why I'm facing this trial and I don't know why it has been so hard, but I know that everything has a purpose, and I trust that somehow, in someway, this trial will benefit someone. I trust that God has his hands in my life and I trust that my sorrow has a purpose. I will do as Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught and "put [my] trust in the Lord, do [my] best, then leave the rest to Him."
Honesty. Honesty with myself, with my friends, and with my family. I can only hide what I am feeling for so long before the people around me start to get concerned with my too-often tear-streaked face, my blaring music (that tends to have a theme), and my desire to withdraw. While this honesty may be difficult to face (speaking it often makes it so much more real), it creates a network of support. I have friends who send me daily texts when I'm struggling, drop their plans on a moment's notice to show me love, show up at my house to make sure I'm ready to face the day, or listen to me analyze, vent, or cry, for hours at a time. They can't support me if they don't know I'm struggling. But, I also have to be honest with myself; I can't heal if I don't acknowledge the pain.
Becoming. It's so easy to let heavy emotions weigh us down and prevent us from moving forward. It's so easy to feel discouraged, to just feel the weight of the whole world, but as I recently told a good friend, feeling discouraged doesn't make us want to DO something or BECOME something, it just hurts. I don't want to hurt. So what am I going to DO about it? What am I going to BECOME because of it? Elder David A. Bednar recently authored a book titled "Power to Become" and Elder Dallin H. Oaks gave a talk in the October 2000 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints titled "The Challenge to Become". In his book, Elder Bednar tells us that "the word become denotes growing, developing, changing, transforming, and converting." In his talk, Elder Oaks taught "now is the time for each of us to work toward our personal conversion, toward becoming what our Heavenly Father desires us to become." I am going to use this experience to propel me towards becoming all my Heavenly Father wants me to be.
Facing our trials won't remove the pain immediately, and in some situations, it won't remove the pain ever, but it does reduce the pain, and when facing our trial involves turning to the Lord, it provides peace, comfort, and hope.
I have learned a few things this week:
✿ Some emotions are completely overwhelming.
✿ I have incredible friends. Incredible friends are incredibly important.
✿ Complete emotional exhaustion can result in complete physical exhaustion.
✿ God knows us, loves us, and will ALWAYS bring us peace and comfort when we ask for it.
Pain doesn't last forever, but happiness can; so can joy, love, peace, and hope. There is a reason Alma referred to Heavenly Father's plan as the "great plan of happiness" (Alma 42:8). Look forward with faith, have hope in the future, in your future, and as the quote on my bathroom wall states, "come what may, and love it."
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