I've been a little MIA...

28 weeks. I am at 28 weeks. I cannot believe the last time I posted was 13 weeks. During that 15 weeks I went camping in Alpine, went to Camp Carey in Prescott, drove to Salt Lake and surprised my mama, got the worst sinus infection I have EVER had, and may have become addicted to hiking. 

The sinus infection started with me feeling super dizzy. At work. At home. At the gym (that was awful). I went to the doctor, did an EKG and had blood work done, and was told I was 100% healthy. Two weeks later the sore throat started, followed the next day by a lovely cough in my chest. One week and some antibiotics later the sore throat/nasal/pressure issues were gone, but the lovely cough lingered. And lingered. And lingered some more. I have asthma, which I am SURE is why the cough stuck around so long, but asthma combined with fluid in your lungs creates an inability to breathe when you work out. 

So obviously the working out did not go so well for about a month. But at least I stayed on my nutrition plan right..? Right?? Well...not exactly. I have discovered that I am GREAT at eating the right things when I am working out, but when I am lacking on the exercise I also tend to go off my food plan. I guess I am an all or nothing kind of girl. The good news is that I did not gain any weight, instead I was able to practice maintaining. The bad news is that I will probably not be able to make my goal of being under 200 by January 1, 2013. 

A few weeks ago I decided to try jogging again. When I tried back in April I could jog for MAYBE 30 seconds before the lack of oxygen shut down my muscles. By July I was able to jog for 90 seconds. Somewhere around September 5 I was able to jog for 3 minutes straight. Two days later I tried again (this time WITH the inhaler) and got to 5 minutes. 5 minutes! Ah! That is amazing! I was so proud of myself. Until my knee started hurting. Happy joy. I have now been resting my knee/hamstring for two weeks and am JUST getting to the point where I can use it again. I am excited to use my new running shoes, go on a 5 mile hike, start running bleachers, and test my jogging limits. I found a website that has been super motivational to me. www.chasefear.com. I highly recommend you look at it, especially if like to/want to run.

I am down 13 lbs in 15 weeks. This may not be as high of a number as I wanted, but 13lbs is still weight lost. I am  happy with any fat that comes off my body. I am less than 5 lbs away from losing 50 lbs. Bring it on.

My Journey: Week 13

My birthday was last week. Birthdays bring social outings and sugary calorie laden pastries. I have been dreading my birthday week since I started this journey in April, but I have also been preparing for it.

Success: No cake
Setback: Scoop of ice cream
Success: Worked out ON my birthday
Setback: Ate out 3 times :(

P.F. Changs with friends for my birthday. I ate pretty healthy, minus the ice cream, but I probably ate too much. Chipotle with my sister on my birthday: steak salad w/ guacamole, side of pumpkin bread (starbucks). Cafe Rio the day after my birthday (salad, brown rice, no tortilla, no chips, no cheese, 1/2 dressing). I made it healthy, but again, probably ate too much. Overall, this was a great BIRTHDAY week, but a pretty bad NUTRITION week. The good news is that I am under what I was before my slingshot week, so hopefully my weight loss is back on track, now I just need to get my MIND back on track.

My biggest setback of the week was the ice cream, pumpkin bread, and brownie (oh, did I forget to tell you about the brownie?). This is my biggest setback because it puts sugar back in my system, and once it is there I am going to crave it more. So now I am dealing with sugar cravings that I need to get rid of. On top of that I got a little dehydrated last week so my cravings were a little worse. I am working on getting back on track with water and I am back on a no sugar kick until it is out of my system.

My biggest success of the week is the fact that I have now dropped 4 dress sizes :) My pants were feeling a bit big last week so I decided to go shopping on Friday. I started at a size 24 and now fit comfortably in a size 20. The 20's feel a tad big (maybe I'm just used to my jeans being tight?) and I am SO excited to eventually fit into the 18's. Once I leave the 20's I am NEVER going back. The shirts at Lane Bryant are now too big for me. I have one more size that will fit me at Torrid, but after that I'll have to find a new place to shop for shirts. Honestly, this thought scares me. I remember buying XL and XXL shirts at Old Navy, and I still get stuff from Walmart every now and then, but I feel like that and plus size stores is all I have ever known. I wear a 14-16 shirt, so I will need to find a place to buy cute 10-12 shirts. Any suggestions?

Time for the big reveal....

I am a bit disappointed in myself because of what I ate last week, but I am MORE proud of the fact that I have lost 32.6 lbs. I need to remember why I am doing this. Dropping 4 sizes is not enough. Losing 30 lbs is not enough. I have been changing my goals to accommodate what I *think* I can accomplish based on my current progress, instead I need to work harder to make the goals I already set. 

I made salmon and chicken last night. I have been struggling with my food over the last couple of weeks because it has not tasted great (I didn't cook my chicken all the way last week so I didn't even eat all of it....oops). Instead of using prepackaged and pre-marinated salmon this week I decided to go back to flavoring my own. Instead of using thick chicken breasts I used strips so that they would cook completely faster. I made preparing the veggies easier buy buying bags of veggies I can steam in the microwave, that way I can spend more time ensuring that I will actually eat my protein. 

So, back to step 1. And I am keeping a food diary. I HAVE to do this. I am GOING to do this.

My Journey: Week 12

My weight loss has been slowing down significantly over the last two weeks. Yes, I am still losing, but not at the rate I was. I have been reading Chris Powell's book "losing it" because I am following his carb cycling plan. Chris Powell recommends a "slingshot" week during the 4th, 8th, 12th (etc..) weeks of the program. Basically, you follow the plan for 3 weeks, then go off the plan for 1 (but not entirely off, you're upping your carbs and calories a bit for a week). Going off the plan for this long terrifies me, which is why after being on the plan for 9 weeks I had not yet done a slingshot week. The slingshot is designed to prevent the dreaded "dieters plateau", which is pretty much where I am at. Just like your body adapts to workouts (and you stop building muscle/losing weight) your body also adapts to its diet (diet being whatever it is your are putting in your body, not a "restriction" on what you can consume). Given that I have been doing this for 9 weeks, it is quite plausible that my body has adapted to this diet. It is likely that my metabolism has slowed, thus slowing my weight loss. So, I decided to try the slingshot week....er....half week. 

On Thursday night I ate dinner at Taco Bell, which by the way, did not taste NEARLY as good as my turkey tacos. An hour after eating I went to the gym and had the WORST heartburn. No seriously, absolute worst. I will never eat at Taco Bell again. I weighed in on Friday at 258.8. I ate lunch yesterday at Panda Express and had orange chicken, mandarin chicken, and a small amount of chow mein. While this successfully upped my carbs and calories, it made my stomach feel awful. Never eating at Panda Express again either. I went almost 6 hours without eating yesterday, which is a BIG no no. That allows my metabolism to go into starvation mode, which is exactly what I do NOT want to happen. I didn't have anything with me that I could eat, was not able to go home, and did not want to eat out again. So instead I ate at 9 when I got home (another no no). Needless to say, I have been quite successful in going off the plan. I am eating one big meal today, and loading up on carbs tomorrow (spaghetti maybe?? I dunno...) and then back to the plan on Monday. I am actually really excited to get back to the plan. Eating carbs, sugar, and greasy food just feels foreign, and it makes me feel like crap. 

I weighed in this morning at 261.8, but I know I am retaining water, and I have been eating like crap. Usually I would be highly discouraged about this, but I couldn't care less right now. I know that this weekend may set me back 3-5lbs but I am hoping the resulting weight loss will more than make up for it. I guess this is sort of my trial slingshot - we'll see if it works!

My Journey: Week 11

11 weeks. Most people give up during the first week, if not during the first few days. I made it through the first week...and the following ten. The best part is that my motivation has only gotten stronger. This has been a great week, but the two weeks before it were not so great. I got on the scale last Saturday and I was 265, the EXACT same I was two weeks before. WHAT?? Then on Monday.....266.2. UGH. Yes, TOM decided to stay with me for a bit, but still. Come ON. I was trying to drink SO much water so I was sure I was not retaining. Yes, I had been cheating a little more often, but I wasn't eating as bad as I was before I started this. Well, that is why I wasn't gaining, just maintaining. I don't want to maintain. Not yet. I want to lose. If that means no cheating, then so be it. I got frustrated. I got pissed off.

I haven't cheated ONCE since Monday. I have done at least 30 min of cardio every morning and I workout every night (strength 2x/week, cardio 4x/week). I weighed in yesterday at 261.2. I also ran out of water yesterday at work and there was no water in the vending machine, so now I am retaining. Lovely.

I worked a little more closely with a physical therapist this week (instead of a trainer) and we discovered some issues with my ability to fire my glutes. It turns out this is due to my super tight....ass. Yep, I am a tight ass. Not a toned ass mind you, just a tight one. But apparently I am tight everywhere. So, now we are working on massaging out the knots in my quads (I am covered in bruises) to release the pressure on my back/butt. I am thrilled that we found this issue, but I will be even more thrilled when the issue is gone.

I started this journey 11 weeks ago. I wanted to lose 10lbs before I made this blog public (as in...posting it to facebook). Then it became 20lbs, then 30lbs. I am 3lbs shy of 30 (I really hate water weight) but I expect to be there by Monday. So, I am taking my big step and posting my big secret to facebook. This would not be such a big deal if it were posted anywhere else online, but posting to facebook is going public to friends and family, so it's kind of scary.

For the first time readers: I don't promise to be a great blogger. I will post every week (except for the weeks that I don't). My posts will probably not be very interesting, but they will be honest. If it is hard, I'll tell you. If it seems easy, I'll tell you. If I finally get my trainer to double over in pain because I aimed well, I'll tell you that too. The one thing I can promise is that at least once while reading this blog you will think "too much information" because I am not a very private person.

My journey has begun. My motivation is strong. My determination is set. My goal is within reach. I am now an athlete in training.

Signing off --

Kariann

My Journey: Week 8

I reformatted my computer about two months ago and my Microsoft Office activation code wouldn't work. I lost the code before I was able to call Microsoft about it. So, I have been using a "trial" version and lost that one about 7 weeks ago. I have been using Microsoft Excel to track my weight and I did not want to do a blog post without it - I hope you didn't miss me too much. Office Works is a free program that is very similar to the XP version of Microsoft Office, and I am now using it. Microsoft Office is so expensive!

7 weeks. Things have gone well, but they definitely could have gone better. I ate a few ice cream sandwiches, some cake, chips and salsa, and pita chips. The worst part wasn't necessarily what I ate, but how much of it I ate. I still need to learn portion control. I need to be better about portioning out my meals instead of eating how much I think is right. I have been working out 2x a week, DEFINITELY not enough. I have been so unmotivated to work out, but that is all changing. See, I have waited 4 months for my new phone. I lost my Samsung Galaxy S2 in Disney's California Adventure back in February and I decided to wait for the Galaxy S3  instead of buying a new phone. That phone comes out in less than 2 weeks. I can't get it until I lose a total of 30lbs. Yesterday I thought I was only 9lbs away. I got on the scale this morning and for the FIRST time since I started this journey the number on the scale was higher today than it was yesterday.....:( :( :( :( :( :(

I am so frustrated.

I know I should be working out more. I know I need to have better portion control. I also know that I am retaining water right now and need to make sure that I am drinking a minimum of 2 Liters a day (which I have not been doing...). I know that the number on the scale reflects the choices I have made, but now I hope it continues to do that. Cardio today and tomorrow. Strength on Monday, cardio on Tuesday, strength on Wednesday, cardio on Thursday. I'm driving to Flag on Friday and I'm going to try and find an LA fitness up there to do strength and cardio.

I will probably not have my new phone on June 21st, but I hope to have it by the end of the month:

I am also frustrated that I only lost 2lbs this week. If I am going to make my goal I need to be averaging 3lbs  per week. With that said, I am still proud of myself. I have never really tried to lose weight. I mean, I have. I've "dieted" and exercised, but I have never tracked my weight. I have never made this much of an effort. I have lost almost 20 lbs (yesterday I HAD lost 20lbs...GRRRR). I don't know that I have ever lost 20lbs. I am excited to see that number continue to creep up, 3lbs a week.

My Journey: Week 1

This week was both easier and harder than I thought it would be. I have learned a couple of things both about myself and about weight loss.

1. I love lifting weights and I hate cardio. Unfortunately, cardio is a VERY BIG part of losing weight. I cannot lose the weight I want to lose without cardio - so I need to retrain my body and my way of thinking.

2. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I never thought I could go 11 days without sugar, but here I am. I had some yogurt with fruit at the bottom and had to throw it out because it was far too sweet. A little sugar every once in a while (2x a week?) is not a bad thing, but it needs to be limited (and I need to have self control).

3. I can eat refrain from eating unhealthy but still not be eating healthy (but I shouldn't). My 2 hour gym workouts this week were AMAZING, seriously, I LOVE the way I feel (even if every muscle in my body was screaming by Wednesday). However, if I am not putting the right food into my body, my workouts will not be as effective, and I will not be able to give 100%.

As I mentioned, I hate cardio. It's hard. I sweat. My body forgets how to breathe. My lungs stop working. My heart works too hard. I have exercise and smoke educed asthma, so this only makes the cardio situation worse. I cannot run (maybe I'll be able to in the future?) but I can jog for 30 seconds to a minute before my chest starts to seize up. However, this doesn't happen on the elliptical. But the elliptical WHOOPS MY BUTT. So now my goal is to work up to an hour on the elliptical.

I lost 6 pounds! YEEAAAAHHHH!!! Honestly though, I wish the number would have been higher. I know that you lose your most in the first month, and I would like that number to be in the 30's, not 20's. HOWEVER, this is a great start. This is the FIRST time I have weighed myself in from one week to the next. I usually say I'll do it on a monthly basis (because I hate seeing that number on the scale) but then I never actually do. All week I couldn't wait to step on the scale. Now, I need to do a repeat for next week, which means I need to work HARDER and SMARTER.

Watch out world, I'm on my way.

My Journey: Week 0

Blogging is obviously not my forte.

I have had some experiences over the past couple of weeks that have made me reevaluate the way I see the world, and the way I think the world sees me. The result of my reevaluation is something that I hope will change the course of my life.

We all have secrets. These can be actions, feelings, thoughts, emotions, regrets, hopes, dreams, etc.. I am a pretty open book. I will probably tell you something before you ask about it, but there are some things you have to ask about. And if you don't ask in a way that forces me to tell you what I don't want you to know, then I will only answer exactly what you asked. However, if you ask me a direct question, 99.9% of the time I will give you an honest direct answer, even if the answer reveals one of my secrets.

This happened a few weeks ago. I was asked a question that forced me to reveal some of my insecurities (my secrets). Since my revelation I have realized that keeping these insecurities secret are what allows them to continue to exist as insecurities. These will not come as a shocker to anyone who knows me, but it is the first time I have listed them together.

Insecurity #1. My first "kiss" was when I was 8. I have not kissed anyone since then. Why you ask? Well, I believe it is because no one has ever wanted to kiss me. My fear is that no one will ever want to kiss me.

Insecurity #2. I have never been the girlfriend and I have never had a boyfriend. I could be wrong here, but I am pretty sure that is the first step to my eventual goal of getting married. Does this mean I will never get married? Well...that is how I have viewed it. I guess I must not be the marrying type. If no one wants to kiss me, and no one wants to date me, who in their right mind would want to marry me?!

I think I am a pretty awesome person. That may sound a bit cocky and full of ego, but really, I am pretty awesome. I am reliable, supportive, encouraging, a bit sarcastic, honest, trustworthy, and a whole slew of other things. Why would someone not want to kiss me? Date me? Marry me?! My short answer is this:

They won't take the time to get to know me.

Why would someone not take the time to get to know an awesome individual such as myself? Because physical beauty is important and it is currently something I am lacking. Do I think I am pretty? YES! I love my red hair, eyes that change color, and chipmunk cheeks. But my face aside, I don't feel like I have much more to offer. Up until this last week, I honestly did not care too much. If someone could not accept the way I looked they certainly did not deserve the rest of me. I still agree with that last bit, but now I care about the way I look and feel.

I want to go rock climbing and rappelling and not worry that the person on belay cannot support my weight. I want to go sky diving and know that the momentum upon landing will not knock me over. I want to purchase obscenely expensive clothes from fashion designers. I want to flirt with a boy I like and wonder if he likes me back. I want to be kissed in the rain. Someday I would like to get married to a man who accepts that no matter what I look like I will ALWAYS be fighting a battle to stay fit.

I read an article online that said you should not tell your goals to people, because when you do it tricks your brain into thinking you have already accomplished it. So I will not tell you my specific goal, but know that I have started my journey.

I will weigh in every Saturday, and no matter the outcome I will post it on this blog. You are invited to share my successes, setbacks, frustrations, triumphs, tears, and overwhelming joy. I will need your strength and encouragement. I have a long ways to go, but with your help I will get there.