My Journey - Part 2: Week 0

This is my confession post.

Somewhere around March of this year I stopped working hard to lose weight. I had just hit my 100lb mark and my confidence improve significantly. I met some new friends, friends I wouldn't trade for anything. I spent time building these new relationships and that reduced the amount of time I was able to spend in the gym. I started going to social outings, some weeks I had plans every night. This meant that instead of burning calories at the gym, I was consuming calories at an event. I knew I needed to get back on my plan. I knew my energy level had changed and I knew that instead of losing weight I was likely gaining just a bit. I tried to at least maintain my weight and I ended up doing a fairly good job, but I still had not met my goal, and I was (and am) determined to get there.
So, I made a new plan and I expected it to work. After all, this plan worked for me 18 months ago, why wouldn't it work now?

Well, my plan didn't work. I kept working out, maybe not as often, but at least I stayed active. Did you know that to lose weight you HAVE to eat right? I knew this, but I guess I didn't KNOW it, I do now. I ate a LOT of sugar, especially during October. Even though I told myself I wasn't going to eat sugar, I did. I disappointed myself. I set boundaries for myself and I didn't keep them. I lacked integrity. I quit drinking the water I was supposed to, I got rid of my “low carb” day and instead had carbs every day (I told myself I needed the energy… big lie), and I stopped saying no to sweets. I made a few different plans and every time I reported that I was back on the band wagon, I had returned, and I was ready to go. What I didn't realize is that I couldn't get back “on” the wagon I had fallen off.

I had a really good conversation with Mandy today, and she helped me realize something pretty significant.

I changed.

I am not the same person I was in April 2012 when this all started. The things that worked for me then won’t necessarily work for me now. I thought I had losing weight ALL figured out, that I knew exactly how to do it. I tried to jump back in the game only to find out that the rules had changed. I have NO idea how to do this. That is both terrifying and exciting at the same time.

I figured it out before. I had will power before. I made sacrifices before.

I can do it again.

I can figure this out, I can figure ME out. The sacrifices ARE worth it.

I am not saying I am “back on the band wagon” because that particular wagon is long gone. Instead, I am starting over. Just like I did before, I am going to wait just a bit to post my current weight. I would really like to be under 170 by the time I post my weight – and that is likely 3-4 months away. I may post once I’m under 180, but not before then. However, I’m going to try to stay current on my posts. I have realized how helpful it was for me to have this blog before, so I am hoping that part of me is still the same. I make no promises to post every week, but I do promise to make an effort.

This is me starting over.

My biggest goal for this week is to end the week (next Sunday) by drinking the daily amount of water I should and to have a least 2 complete LOW carb days. I think those are good starting goals. If I find myself struggling with my nutrition then I will keep a log of my food intake, but I really hate doing that, so I’ll try to be good just to avoid the food log. I know that works for a lot of people, I just really hate it.

I’m scared. I set goals and I didn't even reach for them.. I don’t want to do that again. I don’t want to fail at this.

I want to wear my little sister’s dress to her graduation in May. I want to go country dancing and feel confident in the boys’ ability to lift and flip me. I want to buy ridiculously expensive cowgirl boots that fit over my calves. I want to hike Flat Iron and beat my previous time. I want to stop spraining my ankles. I want to RUN the Tinkerbell Half Marathon in 2015. I want to be an inspiration to others. I want to be a success story. I want people to see me and believe in themselves. I want to get married, have children, and be able to set the standard of healthy living for my family.

Yeah. This is worth it.